Collection: Egregiously Overpriced Absolutely Ridiculous "Fine Art"

I think a more apt title for this would be “Art CAN BE Bullshit,” but most people like shorter titles and don’t like nuance. 

Take this piece for example. Something that, depending on the beholder could argue looks kind of cool, but is overall one-dimensional; even if it feels like there is some flow to it. Very little depth, with a mediocre color pallet and some random shapes. Probably not much thought went into this one. If I wanted something like this to hang in my house, I’d pay about $20 for it. 

But that’s the beautiful absurdity of the world we live in. Art prices are dictated by, as far as I am aware, human beings. And humans are illogical, irrational, and reactive. I think it’s hilarious that the cost of an overly decorated Easter egg can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Or some of the Mad Hatter crock-pottery that happens over at Sotheby’s, an art auction in New York. Like that blue painting with the white line down the middle that sold for over $40 million. I don’t care how much meaning you put into the piece, or how much you can get out of it, that is a disgustingly absurd amount to pay for a painting. 

And no offense, but Rothko kind of already cornered the market on big sad meaningful rectangles that evoke emotion. An artist that, while I can’t really explain, I both admire and kind of feel like I “get” on a subconscious level. Maybe it’s the colors. Maybe it’s because I can identify with Rothko’s disdain for the art establishment. Maybe it’s because he didn’t title his paintings, not wanting to detract from the optimum experience someone could take away by imbuing their own thoughts and getting out of it what they need in that moment. Maybe it’s Maybelline. 

So that’s why this piece is here, listed at that price. Because if someone else can assign ridiculous prices to art, why can’t I? Do I expect it to sell? Probably not at first. And an eventual sale would depend on a lot of factors like how well known I become, or how early I die. But who knows? Maybe someday this piece (or any in this section) will be sold for tens of thousands of dollars at auction. They’ll call this one a “painting from his early years,” and if I’m still around when the gavel bangs you best believe I’ll be giggling to myself.

It’s not difficult to create something unique. It is, however, difficult to create something unique that other people will like. And harder yet is convincing those people to buy it. But if the goal isn’t money, or even other people's admiration, this task becomes easier. Not only that but you can start to explore the mind of the artist. This was something I grappled with throughout this work. 

I don’t know what you are seeing when you look at this. It’s estimated that the average museum goer takes less than 30 seconds viewing each work of art. I’d have to imagine the average browser takes about the same amount of time (or less). Except maybe my Mom, but she’s more into my landscape paintings. Maybe you were drawn to the colors, seeing how it all connects and flows together. Maybe it was the big black bold lettering at the very top that drew your eye, and then you went on to read some of the nonsense. I’m sure a few of you were drawn to the doodles and stick figures. But it’s impossible to see everything in one picture. The sides are littered with more of the same; even the back’s been marked up. And that’s okay. 

While I hope all of my art elicits some sort of response from you, I know for certain how much joy it brings me to go back in time, and remember creating this piece. I’ll leave you with an anecdote that hopefully helps explain the work a bit better: 

There is a rather famous song by the late Jimmy Buffett (and Alan Jackson, and George Strait) that speaks of the legend of The Lost Shaker of Salt. A tale passed down from generation to generation, often written off as myth. Until that fateful day, I too thought it was just lore. Something silly to sing about in a song. I don’t think I even recognized it for what it was worth, overshadowed (ironically) by the sentiment of, “never forgetting how small you are”. But as I was reviewing my work, I saw it, and realized something… I could never actually sell this painting. At least not yet. The only person I felt worthy of housing this artifact would be Mr. Buffett, a man I had never met, nor knew anything about, besides a few of his songs. This was after all, THE Lost Shaker of Salt. Something this man so desperately wanted to find he wrote an entire song about. He even became famous in further pursuit of this true dream. Why we were cosmically connected on that day I’ll never know, but unfortunately he passed away less than a year later before I was able to give it to him. While his estate is still welcome to this piece, I feel the timing is now apropos to offer this opportunity to the world.

A phrase that can have SO MANY meanings if you just hear it out loud! Is it a cat that is fishing in a suit that is wet? A wetsuit? Or is it a human that is catfishing? And now that you think of it. What form of catfishing are we talking about here. $1000 for the FIRST, rookie, fledgling, infant CFIAWS is absolutely ridiculous. The start of a collection that could span ITERATIONS? Where do I sign? How much does a Dali sketch cost right now? How about Warhols original soup can that he made with a single layer of acrylic and pencil marks still showing through. This imperfect masterpiece is where it could all start.

In this piece I was exploring the concept of self-esteem and inner beauty.

This work has been priced accordingly and resides in this section to force the buyer to prove to me that they actually want to own this piece.